Ohhhh Ick!

I wondered how long it would be before this blog went down the toilet...
I tend to get sick when I'm excited about things. This means I usually puke when I fly or get some horrible flu - anything to make being in my company really awful. One time I went so over the top after decorating the walls, floor and seat in an airplane bathroom that I ended up being pushed through Reagan International in a wheelchair. This made customs a breeze but was more than a little embarrassing after I was wheeled to my connecting flight and had to wait through a five hour delay. After about a half hour I felt better, got hungry and, to the confusion and annoyance of the people around me, hopped up off my chair like nothing had happened to roam around the airport in search of food. But I digress. First things first.

Rules needs to sort out its online reservation system. We phoned up yesterday to confirm the reservations for our anniversary dinner only to find out that they had no record of it and were booked solid for the day. It wasn't a total loss though because there's a really great Italian restaurant around the corner that serves amazingly fresh seafood and fish. So, still excited to go out to eat (a very rare occasion for us these days) I went for a jog and spent loads of time trying make myself look decent.

We ordered a LOT of food. Calamari and a basily pasta to start off and rack of lamb (Aaron), herby steak (me) with a load of different veg and potatoes. I even got a half bottle of wine for myself. Part of the way through the calamari and staring lovingly into my mister's eyes, I started to feel gross and my stomach had bloated out to about twice it's normal size. By the time the first set of plates were cleared, I was done. I mentioned while batting my eyelashes to my husband of 8 years that I wasn't feeling so well. He asked me what was wrong. There really is no soft way to put the problem, so I mustered in my sexiest voice, "Trapped wind...and it hurts really bad. My sternum, my stomach, even my back hurts." Nice. Way to ruin a great meal. So Aaron shoveled his food down as quickly as possible and I got the majority of mine wrapped up to go.

When we got home, I decided to make things worse. With all the shops shut, I decided on a home remedy of baking soda and water. Firstly, ewww. That stuff's disgusting. Secondly, nobody ever mentioned that you could possibly take too much of it. After (again very sexily) farting and burping for a steady two hours, I turned green and ran to the bathroom. Aaron tentatively asked if I was ok and if I was puking. I warbled out a response that was probably worse than 'yes' - "Not out of my mouth". Nice.